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 In this lesson, you will learn:
 Stalking is the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassment of another person. It is an activity that would instill fear in a reasonable person. There is the inferred threat of violence. Stalking may involve telephone harassment, sending unwanted gifts, pursuing, or surveillance. Stalkers are people who are overly persistent after hearing the word, "No." You may also be targeted online. This is called cyber-stalking. There are about 1.4 million cases of stalking in the United States each year. Only about 50% of all stalking cases are ever reported to police and fewer than 25% of those reported end in an arrest. Your shame, anger and fear are the stalker's weapons. Don't deny the problem hoping that the stalking will stop. It won't. You must take control. Don't communicate or bargain with the stalker in any way. Seventy percent of stalkers are ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands who know your family and friends. He may even spread lies about you in the hope of opening a dialogue. Don't give in to the temptation to retaliate. Tell your family and friends to tell him simply that you have moved on with your life and aren't interested. Tell them to give him no further information/ammunition. Any communication gives the stalker hope and from his perspective some leverage to believe that he can eventually change your thinking. This is like telling a child "No" nine times and then giving in on the tenth. You have made your life hell. The same rationale applies to the stalker. If you relent and talk with him, even to say "No" more than once, he will keep coming at you. If confronted, your rejection must be clear and final. Don't enable him any further. Yes, this is hard to do. Yes, you want to scream in outrage. But, keep quiet. Give him nothing to build upon. Fact: 80% of stalking victims are women and 20% are men. Keep a diary of contacts. Keep gifts and letters and copies of emails. Document everything. For example, if you see him at your workplace, write it down. If you have to physically defend yourself from this stalker at a later date, your log will make good evidence in court. Also, tell your friends and family about the stalking. Restraining orders are temporary orders of the court to keep the person you want to restrain away from you, where you live, your place of work or academic study or your child's school. Get a restraining order even though this may anger the stalker. Remember that stalkers are obsessed and a restraining order is only a piece of paper. About 25% of stalking victims obtain restraining orders. Over 60% of the time the stalker violates those orders. You must follow-up with the police and courts.
There are several different types of stalkers. The majority are called intimate stalkers. These are the ex-husbands and old boyfriends who have lost you and can't stand the idea of losing anything, especially to you. They were probably emotionally abusive and controlling during your relationship and now they still won't let go. What they need is a new victim. That is someone other than you. They hang on until they find that new victim. The next group is the delusional stalker. He imagines a relationship, which never existed and will never exist. This is the profile of the unmarried and socially immature loner. He probably has rarely dated and has had few if any real sexual/romantic relationships. There are also the vengeful stalkers. They often want to "get even" with someone or something. These are the slighted parties angry about real or imagined grievances against companies or company officials or governments or government officials. They may be nuts. They may be justified. Getting a gun. Getting a big dog. Hiring a bodyguard. Acquainting yourself with stalking laws in your state. Moving. Putting a locking gas cap on your car. Keeping a cell phone with you 24/7. Alerting neighbors and supervisors at work. Joining a support group through a local women's organization. When dealing with domestic abuse, it may be harder to recognize and to acknowledge that it is happening to you. There are strong emotional and social forces that can keep even a very abusive relationship going for a long, long time. It can also be emotionally more difficult to decide that you need to take strong action to protect yourself, but knowing your attacker does not change your right to protect yourself. Does the person you love ... Track all of your time? Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful? Discourage your relationships with family and friends? Prevent you from working or attending school? Criticize you for little things? Anger easily when drinking or on drugs? Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? Humiliate you in front of others? Destroy your personal property or sentimental items? Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or your children? Threaten to hurt you or your children? Use or threaten to use a weapon against you? Force you to have sex against your will? If you find yourself saying yes to several of these questions, you need to learn more about domestic abuse right away. Source: The RYKA ROSE Foundation Fact: 25% of all white female suicides and 50% of all black female suicides are linked to domestic abuse. Source: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1. Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs. Avoid rooms with no exits such as the bathroom or with weapons such as the kitchen. 2. Think about and make a list of safe people to contact. 3. Keep your cell phone with you at all times or change for a pay phone. 4. Memorize all important numbers. 5. Establish a "code word or sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help. 6. Think about what you will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent. 7. Remember that you have the right to live without fear and violence. 1. Change your phone number. 2. Screen calls. 3. Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer. 4. Change locks, if the batterer has a key. 5. Avoid staying alone. 6. Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner. 7. If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place. 8. Vary your routine. 9. Notify school and work contacts. 10. Call a shelter for battered women. Child abuse is the non-accidental physical injury of a child inflicted by a parent or caretaker, which ranges from superficial bruises and welts to broken bones, burns, and serious internal injuries and, in some cases, death. Neglect may take the form of a parent or caretaker's failure to give the child food, clothing, hygiene, medical care and supervision. Special attention should be paid to injuries that are unexplained or are inconsistent with the parent's or caretaker's explanation and/or the child's developmental stage. I. Bruises welts and bite marks On face, lips, mouth, neck, wrists, ankles, torso, back, buttock, thighs. Injuries to both eyes/cheeks since accidents usually injure only one side. Evidence of human bite. Wounds appearing after absence, weekend or vacation. II. Lacerations or abrasions Especially note injuries to: mouth, lips, gums, eyes, external genitalia, arms, legs or torso III. Burns Cigar or cigarette burns especially on soles, palms, back, or buttocks. Scalding water immersion, may doughnut shaped burns on buttocks or genitalia. Patterned burns from curling irons or clothes irons. Rope burns on arms, legs, neck or torso. Wary of contacts with parents or other adults. Apprehensive when other children cry. Behavior extremes: aggressiveness, or withdrawal, or extreme mood changes, Afraid to go home, repeated incidents of running away Reports injury by parents. Sometimes blames self, e.g., "I was bad." Habit disorders including self-injurious behaviors. Psychoneurotic reactions: phobias, compulsions, obsessions, hypochondria. May wear concealing clothing inappropriate for weather, to hide injuries. Manifestations of low self-esteem. Suicide attempts. The sexual exploitation of a child by a parent, relative, caretaker or other person, which may range from non-touching offenses such as exhibitionism to fondling, intercourse or use of child in the production of pornographic materials.
Most sexually abused children knew the abuser before any abuse took place. Most pedophiles have no record of arrest. Most pedophiles befriend parents to get access to children. Make sure that your children are aware of common child lures, such as, "Will you help me find my puppy?" Child sexual abuse thrives in secrecy and misinformation. From an early age talk to your child about all sexual matters in an open and frank way. Give them the correct words and ensure they know their body belongs to them. Explain the difference between good-touches and bad-touches. Let them truly understand that no adult has the right to touch them in uncomfortable or upsetting way. Repeat: if anyone ever touches you in a way you don't like tell them "Don't touch me like that!" "Leave me alone!" If they continue to try and talk to you, shout even louder: "Leave me alone! Help! Someone help me I don't know this person!" Source: Child Abuse Prevention Network
Date/acquaintance rape is being forced to have unwanted sexual activity with someone you know. Consent to sex is based on you and your partner each with equal power making an active choice. One in 36 college women report having been forced into unwanted sex. Almost half of all date rape victims do not tell anyone about the assault. Only 5% of date rape victims go to the police and file a formal report. Trust your instincts. If you become uncomfortable in a situation, assertively ask the person to leave. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Stay in Condition Yellow. Be suspicious if your date: Acts jealous when you talk with your friends.Fact: 85% of sexual assaults against high school, college and single women are committed by someone they know. 80% of all rapes are against young women between the ages of 16 and 24.
Source: University of Illinois Police 1. Report the crime immediately to the police. 2. Do not shower, douche, or change clothing. 3. Have a medical exam and internal gynecological exam as soon as possible. A delay in time may destroy evidence. a) Semen smears must be taken by a clinician.4. Do not disturb the scene of the assault. 5. Inform police of all details of attack, however intimate, and of anything unusual you may have noted about the attacker. Remember what the person said and how it was said. It may lead to the arrest of the assailant. 6. Show police any external bruises or injuries, however minor, resulting from the attack. 7. Police may request your clothes for purpose of evidence. 8. Inform the police if you remember anything that was not previously reported.  A hate crime refers to an attack on an individual or his or her property, such as vandalism, harassment, intimidation, arson, assault or murder in which the victim is intentionally selected because of his or her race, color, religion, national origin, gender, disability, or sexual orientation. Hate is a learned behavior which may be fueled by group, family or gang prejudices. Fact: The FBI reports over 10,000 hate crimes each year. About 70 percent of all reported hate crimes were crimes against a person; about 30 percent were property crimes. Most hate crimes are committed by males under the age of 20. According to the U.S. Dept. of Education, children should be taught that even subtle forms of hate such as ethnic slurs or epithets, negative or offensive name-calling, stereotyping, and exclusion are hurtful and inherently wrong and can eventually lead to more extreme, violent manifestations of hate. Schools must create a climate in which racial, religious, ethnic, gender and other differences, as well as freedom of thought and expression, are respected and appreciated. Schools can develop a wide range of non-disciplinary corrective actions to respond to incidents, including counseling, parent conferences, community service, awareness training, or completion of a research paper on an issue related to hate, as well as disciplinary actions such as in-school suspension or expulsion. Don't blame yourself. On Sunday, December 22, 2001, aboard American Airlines Paris to Miami flight, a terrorist, Richard Reid attempted to blow up the plane with 197 aboard by igniting plastic explosives packed into his shoes. Passengers and flight crew over powered him. However, this was no easy task since Reid was 6'4" and weighed well over 200 pounds. He wrestled for several minutes until he could be pummeled to the point that two doctors on board could shoot him up with sedatives, allowing passengers to tie him up with belts. They were lucky. It would have been better if: The flight crew had access to a stun gun, guns with tranquilizing darts and/or pepper spray.
Source: U.S. State Department 1. Make no concessions to terrorists and strike no deals. 2. Bring terrorists to justice for their crimes. 3. Isolate and apply pressure on states that sponsor terrorism to force them to change their behavior. 4. Bolster the counter-terrorism capabilities of those countries that work with the U.S. and require assistance. Source: National Security Institute In light of the recent string of terrorist incidents, average citizens should keep their guard up and their eyes open, especially when traveling overseas. Passengers should keep close watch on all their baggage and should be wary of accepting gifts or other material when traveling "unless you are absolutely sure of its contents." Here are some other simple ways to reduce the amount of risk when traveling overseas: Before you leave, call the State Department's Travel Advisory hotline at (202) 647-5225. The hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and provides advisories on up to three countries per call. Fly nonstop whenever possible on a reputable carrier and try to avoid peak travel times when airports are full and provide inviting targets. Don't discuss your plans with strangers. You might put yourself at risk when you divulge information about your destination, your work or your family. Try to make your stopovers in airports that have a high security standard and good security screening. Try to fly wide body planes. Hijackers tend to avoid these as having too many passengers. Most travelers prefer an aisle seat. Choose a window or center seat. This will keep you away from the hijackers and any action that may be happening in the aisle. Source: U. S. State Department Any traveler could become a hostage. The odds of that happening are extremely low when the number of travelers is compared to the number of people that have actually become hostages. However, there is always that slim chance that a traveler could end up being at the wrong place at the wrong time. With this in mind, the traveler should make sure that his/her affairs are in order before they travel abroad. Items of particular importance to an individual in a hostage situation are an up-to-date will, an insurance policy and a power of attorney for the spouse. If these items have been taken care of before departure, the traveler will not have to worry about his family's welfare; the hostage can then focus all of his/her efforts on the one thing of paramount importance - SURVIVAL. To survive, travelers should realize that there are certain dynamics involved in a hijacking or a kidnapping, and, to increase their ability to survive, they must understand how these interacting forces affect the end result. Fear can trigger a disaster, and it does not take much for some individuals to set off a defensive round of violence. Whether it is a demonstration of violence to reinforce a demand or to incite fear in the minds of the hostages, the violence will be motivated by fanaticism and/or fear and that violence will be directed at the person(s) who are perceived to be a threat or a nuisance to the hijackers. To minimize the possibility of being selected for special attention by the perpetrators and to maximize your ability to survive a hostage situation, here are some guidelines to remember: The physical takeover of an aircraft by the hijackers may be characterized by noise, commotion, and possibly shooting and yelling, or it may be quiet and methodical with little more than an announcement by a crew member. These first few minutes of the hijacking are crucial: Stay calm, and encourage others around you to do the same.Once the takeover has occurred, you may be separated by citizenship, sex, race, etc. Your passport may be confiscated and your carry-on luggage ransacked. The aircraft may be diverted to another country. The hijackers may enter into a negotiation phase that could last indefinitely and/or the crew may be forced to fly the aircraft to yet another destination. During this phase passengers may be used as a bargaining tool in negotiations. Lives may be threatened, or a number of passengers may be released in exchange for fuel, landing/departure rights, food, etc.. This will be the longest phase of the hijacking: If you are told to keep your head down or maintain another body position, talk yourself into relaxing into the position; you may need to stay that way for some time. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the long ordeal. Do not attempt to hide your passport or belongings. If addressed by the hijackers, respond in a regulated tone of voice. Use your time wisely by observing the characteristics and behavior of the hijackers. Mentally attach nicknames to each one and notice their dress, facial features and temperaments. If you or a nearby passenger are in need of assistance due to illness or discomfort, solicit the assistance of a crew member first -- do not attempt to approach a hijacker unless similar assistance has been rendered by them for other passengers. If the hijackers single you out, be responsive but do not volunteer information. The last phase of the hijacking is resolution, be it by use of a hostage rescue team or resolution through negotiation. In the latter instance, the hijackers may simply surrender to authorities or abandon the aircraft, crew and passengers. In the case of a hostage rescue operation when negotiations break down and the commandos are called to action: The characteristics of a rescue entry into the aircraft will be similar to the hijacker's takeover. It will involve noise, chaos and possible shooting. If you hear shots fired inside or outside the aircraft, immediately take a protective position, put your head down or drop to the floor. If instructed by a rescue force to move, do so quickly, putting your hands up in the air or behind your head; make no sudden movements. If fire or smoke appears, attempt to get emergency exits open, and use the inflatable slides or exit onto the wing. Once you are on the tarmac, follow the instructions of the rescue force or local authorities; if neither are there to guide you, move as quickly as possible away from the aircraft and eventually move towards the terminal or control tower area. Expect to be treated as a hijacker or co-conspirator by the rescue force; initially you will be treated roughly until it is determined by the rescue force that you are not part of the hijacking team. For some dangers lurk outside the home and for some dangers lurk inside the home. None of these larger societal issues are easy for anyone to deal with and few solutions come with perfect answers. There will be consequences good and bad from your action whatever you choose to do. Remember that security and convenience don't usually go hand in hand. You sacrifice one for the other. Sometimes you can firmly say, "No." Sometimes you can fight back. Sometimes you can get help from law enforcement, the medical profession and support groups. Sometimes you can only put yourself in God's hands. If you are following the Action Principles, you are doing your best. Go to Lesson 101 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
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Master's Tip:
Rather than getting a new phone number, keep that phone number with an answering machine and then never answer that phone. Get a second phone number or use your cell phone.
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